Because I hate you, #3

The President went down to talk to the White House kitchen to talk to the chef.


“There was something odd about dinner tonight,” he thought, and asked the chef about it.

“Well, I knew you were having pizza over the evening while hosting the budget committee,” he said.

“Sure, sure,” he said, waving his hand.  “But several of the senators commented on it having an odd taste.”

“Hrm… might have been the toppings.” 


The chef showed the president his spice rack, and the president promptly opened up one of the jars and sniffed in it.

As the chef tried to stop him, he immediately started hacking and coughing and sneezing.

The chef was mortified.  “That’s … Oh, Reagan, No!”

Because I hate you, #2

Elmo needed money, and he was stranded in Karachi.
Fortunately, Elmo had a good head for business.  He found a desolate orchard that had failed, and bought up the apple wood, and shaved it into lumber and poles.

But nobody in Karachi needed the stuff.
But then he got an idea.  Wait!  The Taliban were always having to rebuild, when the CIA bombed them… maybe THEY needed some.
So he took his poles and lumber to North Waziristan.

Long story short, he made a BUNDLE, and not only remade his expenses, but made enough to get some more stuff, too.
So up in the mountains, he saw some dead pine trees, and he chopped them up, too.

He took those back to Karachi, but nobody wanted them.  So he thought, maybe over in Kashmir, they need good pine wood for all their boats.
So he went to Kashmir.  But he barely made anything.  He had just enough to purchase a lot of holly from one side of the lake, and he made it into poles and baskets.
Needing customers, he went back to Waziristan.

Three weeks later, when his obituary ran, it was ruled a suicide, even though they Army had found his head cleanly severed with a video praising the deed.

But, as the police chief said later, “everybody knows you can’t sell holly wood to the Taliban.”

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