Because I hate you #1(worst pun I could make up)

You know, it’s sort of like when the Muppets went to Iraq.

They went to a swim meet outside of Tikrit where Saddam’s old palace was, and you know the war was starting to wind down a bit, so they figured it was safe.

So they started the races. The first race was between an Al Quaeda guy, and Big Bird.

Well, the AQ guy really wanted to show how he was better, and he won the race.
and Big Bird, well, not a very good swimmer, so they called up the local base, and those guys came out with a crane and a really big net, and hauled Big Bird back in from the water.

The soldier said “hey, be careful, guys. The crane’s expensive to operate, and we have to get permission from Congress every time we use the thing.”

So then, the second race, was a militiaman from Basra, and he raced Ernie. Now, the militiaman was tight with the IRGC, and so he really wanted to stick it to the US, and he swam really fast.
Ernie? Well, let’s face it. Muppets just ain’t real good at swimming.
So they went to the base, and got the crane, and used the net to haul Ernie in from out of the water.
So… you know, this was bad.
And the last race, since this was so embarrassing, was Bert. And they put him up against a Kurd, because the Kurdish guy was sorta sympathetic, and appreciated that the Muppets had come so far to do a friendly competition.

But Bert was a TERRIBLE swimmer.
The Kurd had no choice but to go and win the race, because it was just getting so embarrassing that he couldn’t lose even if it bounced off the bottom every length.
So, Bert was out in the water…. and starting to drown.
So the soldiers went to the base, but when they came back…. no crane.
And Bert drowned.

So Ernie got up in the soldier’s grill, and said “you rescued Big Bird, and you rescued me, why wouldn’t you rescue my friend?”
But the soldier shrugged, and said, “I’m sorry, Ernie, but the Democrats won the election, and Congress won’t let us give ANYTHING to haul a Bert in.”

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1 Comment

  1. James

     /  October 1, 2012

    That’s utterly horrendous. You should be whipped.


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