Forwarded from Randrup: Governmentium

I strongly suspect this falls into the “oldie but goodie” I just haven’t seen category, but it’s funny enough that I thought I should share it around.  


Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Previous Post
Next Post
Leave a comment


  1. convivialdingo

     /  March 18, 2009

    That’s hilarious!

  2. drteine

     /  March 18, 2009

    It is indeed an oldie but goodie. I saw this on chemistry mailing lists quite awhile back.
    That being said, it’s still sadly correct and applies to corporations as well.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Featured Eyeballs

  • What’s today again?

    March 2009
    M T W T F S S
    « Feb   Apr »
  • Archives

  • Blog Stats

    • 128,320 hits
  • Recent Comments

    Kat Laurange on Hungarian Military Sabre …
    Kat Laurange on Rose Garden! The Home Edi…
    Kat Laurange on So, about that Bruce Jenner…
    happycrow on Die GotterdammerHugo
    happycrow on Free Market Capitalism is Inhe…
  • Follow

    Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

    Join 222 other followers

    %d bloggers like this: