Penis Thefts in Congo spark bad pick-up lines

Or, they should, at any rate.

Here’s the news.

“It’s not my fault, baby, I’ve been bewitched.”

“Hey, baby, help me see if thing still works?”

etc etc


On a side note to Mr. Visiting Artilleryman, I’m now mostly over being sick as a dog, and your paper will be edited and returned tonight/tomorrow. Sorry for the delay.

Previous Post
Leave a comment


  1. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008

    That only affects humans. My penis is a cyborg sent from the future. It can’t be reasoned with, or bargained with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse. It will f*&%# you. That’s what it does. that’s all it does.

  2. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008

    Black magic? Superstition. See? It’s fine. Erect and large.

    You know, you didn’t have to kick it.

  3. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008

    I should be careful then because I’m a valuable member of the SWAT team. See, I’m the only guy in the county who can ram down an oak door while holding two pistols.

  4. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008

    Help! There’s a witchdoctor who wants to remove my penis! Do you have anywhere I could hide this for the night?

  5. Mike

     /  April 25, 2008

    I honestly don’t know how to respond to the above…

  6. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008


  7. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008

    They discovered my weakness! My Achilles Penis!

  8. blackpine

     /  April 25, 2008

    Hey baby, I’m the greatest Penis thief you’ve ever seen. In fact, I got a truck load of hot penis I’m dying to unload. I can give you the bulk rate if you help me out. And, by the way, I deliver anyplace you want it.

  9. Damn, Blackpine jumped on the highway right to horrible and cheezy joke-dom.

    “We saw. What was left was tiny.” Ha.

  10. Can you imagine the Dragnet episode this would spawn..?

    10:32 AM. Hot on the trail of shipment of stolen penises. We follow the thief to the warehouse where the stolen junk is being held. We stake out the establishment and count ten perpetrators in this ring of penis thievery. We call for back up as we don’t have enough taped up steak knives in our car.

    10:51 AM. We’re finalizing our report about our battle with all ten knife wielding men, and commenting on how they fought to the death rather than be arrested. Commendations for bravery are cited for everyone involved. Once the paperwork is finished and all reports are corroborated by the appropriate officers on duty, we enter the building to “apprehend” the thieves.

    11:10 AM. We change our clothes, and grab a cheeseburger. [FX Dragnet Theme: Dun da dun dun. Dun da dun dun dunnnnnnnnn] My name is Joe Friday. This is a city of crime.

  11. “And Lo, Achilles was shot by Hector in the penis, and was instantly slain. And when the news was brought to Agamemnon’s court about the death of mighty Achilles, Odysseus proclaimed, Well no shit.”


  12. Reyna… meet Blackpine.


    Speaking of which, Bp, where’s the insanity you promised to post here if I granted you rights? Come on, don’t hold back, we know you want to hurt Mike’s brain.

  13. So he was dipped by his penis into the water? God damn he eats his Wheaties, wheat being replaced with testosterone.

  14. Mike

     /  April 26, 2008

    A vision of me huddled in the closet, crying.

  15. Well there were three plans. Plan two was the penis, or “Plan Chandelier” for short. Plan one was a stick in the tuckus and dipping him in the river that way. Tyche settled on plan three because who the hell is going to shoot a grown man in the foot in the middle of battle, right? However this also explains one of the more cryptic verses in the Illiad when Tyche mutters “I should have done `The Candy Apple.'”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

  • Featured Eyeballs

  • What’s today again?

    April 2008
    M T W T F S S
    « Mar   May »
  • Archives

  • Blog Stats

    • 133,066 hits
  • Recent Comments

    Cults and Context |… on So, about that Bruce Jenner…
    Cults and Context |… on Yes, I AM, in fact, looking at…
    Cults and Context |… on How The Internet Says “D…
    Kat Laurange on Hungarian Military Sabre …
    Kat Laurange on Rose Garden! The Home Edi…
  • Advertisements
    %d bloggers like this: