Jump, dumbass, jump!

I knew it wasn’t going to be my day.

Woke up with a nasty sinus headache from the chalkboard dust, that I couldn’t manage to shake last night.  (I can’t believe we’re actually still using chalkboards, like this is the 20th century or something…)

And then this stupid son of a bitch decided to camp out on the bridge for 360 and Mayfield, and then threaten to jump.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want to be the poor s.o.b. to pull off on Mayfield, cross under the highway, and have some 240-pound dude land on my car, either.  And maybe — no, definitely — it’s because I’m just not as wonderful a human being as some of the other folks I’ve met in this terrestrial existence…

but I’ve done the math, and between the disruption this stupid s.o.b. caused while ass-cheek-standing half-on and half-off that overpass arguing with the cops, he has to have messed with about five thousand peoples’ commutes directly.  Both 360 and I-20 were hopelessly snarled.  I-20 backed up for miles (and at 8:30 in the morning, you know how many people that is), and 360 completely shut down.

So he could argue with the cops while standing on an overpass.

If he were serious, he’d have walked out on the I-20 overpass.  Not some rinky-dink, eighteen-foot-six-inch, “I’m bouncing over a two-lane-road” overpass.  What’s he going to do if he does jump, break his ankles?

He’s probably still there now.  Jump, dumbass.  Break those ankles.  Get the hell out of everybody’s way, so the cops can bust you, the paramedics fix you up, and life can go on.

(I’m sure I’ll have a calmer and more reasonable position sometime around 8 this evening when I’m sitting around with a beer, and, yes, I’m unfortunately intimately familiar with the tragedy fatal depression/suicide.  I just can’t help shaking the feeling, having seen the guy, that this is some dude pulling an 8-year-old’s attention stunt.)

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  1. Mike

     /  September 28, 2007

    You are probably correct. I get the feeling the entire US needs to have “drama-removal” prcedure done once a month so people can mellow out and realize that the world doesn’t stop for them.

    We need to start with Hollywood.

  2. Anna

     /  September 28, 2007

    I *like* that idea, MIke. Maybe some giant stations set up where extremely rude Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura-type people slap those guys figuratively and literally until they realize they did not exactly need _this_ type of attention? 🙂
    Oooo,, Brave New World…

  3. Hrm… my idea is to have a crew wander the country and make movies/produce music/etc… and then when the project is done they burn the tapes and silently walk away.

  4. Anna

     /  September 28, 2007

    Ouch, that’s evil! I like it…:-)

  5. Mike

     /  September 28, 2007

    I second that. It beats my idea of having the dramites (the folks who must make a scene walking to the bathroom) publically flogged by everyone who their drama has messed with and was innocent (i.e. didn’t know or care what was going on, only that their life was derailed by some bonehead).

    5 lashes per person, done in soundproofed closet so no one else can watch or be disturbed by it. The people being flogged are not allowed to speak of it in any way, or they get flogged again.

  6. Mike

     /  September 28, 2007

    I tend to go for the “hard love” school of corrections.


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