Meat without Moo, Leather without Cow

Our Dark Future, Indeed.


UPDATE! I think I’ve figured out why they’re doing this! Oh, that’s just so, so wrong

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  1. Well, at least it isn’t Soylent Green. 🙂

  2. Or………is it? They tell you that it is pig. There are those that say that Long-Pig tastes better.

  3. PETA will still bitch :).

    The coolest part of that article is the Pig-Syringe..

  4. MMMM, Long-pig…

  5. oh, damn! you beat me to the long-pig comment!

  6. Mike

     /  February 7, 2007

    Where is the fun in all of this? I mean, half the fun of eating cows and pigs is the knowledge that you beat the bastard and got to feast on him/her. I mean, that’s almost like giving me deer antlers without letting me shoot the damn thing.

  7. I don’t know about fun, unless you get designer creatures that have never existed before…

  8. Mike

     /  February 7, 2007

    I would rather shoot the deer thanks.

  9. Convivialdingo

     /  February 7, 2007

    I think I predicted this at a Denny’s many years ago… Eventually it’ll be transfered into plant hosts so that it’ll grow on bushes. They’ll look like figs.

  10. And when the horn sounds, we’ll all move towards the noise and go underground into the beautiful shiny caves…

  11. Mike

     /  February 8, 2007

    Yeesh. I am bringing my rifle(s).

  12. You mean you’re not an Eloi?

  13. Man, I like the idea of designer creatures!
    “Honey, I am going hunting for a elephant-pig or maybe a crocko-cow.”
    “Why? You know they all taste like a chicken!”

  14. Man, I like the idea of designer creatures!
    “Honey, I am going hunting for a elephant-pig or maybe a crocko-cow.”
    “Why? You know they all taste like chicken-gerbils!”

  15. Alex

     /  February 8, 2007

    According to the Annals of Improbable Research, these things will taste like “tetrapod”.

    Still – I don’t have to have the psychological need to prove I’m on top of the food chain like Mike does , but grown food will not taste like food from an animal which was fed a particular diet. Corn-fed deer tastes much better than corn-fed cow which tastes much much better than Cedar-feed deer. You’re not going to get all those other wonderful flavors in a grown meat that you will in one that was raised for such a purpose.

  16. happycrow

     /  February 8, 2007

    And buffalo is best of all…

    Yep, I’ve got a short story waiting for the next Polidori about what goes wrong with a kid’s “Monster Construction Set” Christmas Toy…

  17. Morlocks rule! 🙂

  18. “You’re not going to get all those other wonderful flavors in a grown meat that you will in one that was raised for such a purpose.”

    I disagree.. You may not get them right off the bat but I believe we’ll absolutely get them a bit longer term.. I mean, its just artificial flavoring like in everything else we eat right?

    I have no need to prove myself atop the food chain either.. If I could get SynthiBeef that tasted like the real thing I’d never eat the real thing again.

  19. Alex

     /  February 8, 2007

    No – it’s not artificial flavoring at all. There is some (note I say some) truth to the “natural vs. artificial” flavor debate because the natural flavors are very complex. Yes the main flavor/odor molecule that is part and parcel of the artificial flavor is indeed a component in the natural meat/food, but all the extra trace molecules along for the ride combine with the main molecule to give something more complex and in many cases much better tasting. I’ll admit that sometimes this complex set of molecules can only be picked up by those “trained” to detect it, but in many cases the complex combination is pretty obvious if you taste the two side by side.
    Also – several recent scientific studies have shown that the nutrients we need and ingest are much better for us when coming from the complex sources they originated from. Vitamin C from an Orange is much better than Vitamin C the molecule because the additional proteins/small molecules from the fruit combined with the Vitamin C (citric acid) make it much more effective a nutrient for living creatures.

    I’m not fully against vat-grown food, especially if I’m hungry and I don’t have anything else I’ll eat it. However, I far prefer my food made the original way and from natural sources – hunted or harvested.

  20. Mike

     /  February 8, 2007

    Screw the Morlocks. It isn’t a psychological need, its revenge. Remember I am the guy who had to feed, sort and load the bastards for market, so every piece of bacon is sweet, sweet revenge.

    Besides, someone will do something stupid like cross a wolverine, cheeta, and chimpazee and we will end up with a freaken constantly pissed off, tool-using, opposible thumbed killer on meth who can outrun police cruisers.

  21. I’ve known boxers like that…

  22. And I, for one, welcome our new Cheepanzerine leaders..

  23. Mike

     /  February 9, 2007

    Both of you frighten me.

  24. They just might just be tasty.

  25. Hell, I’d vote to put the Chimpanzerine’s on the police force, under the watchful gaze of their Giroctopug (giraffe/octopus/pug) overseers, whom we keep loyal to us by feeding them lots and lots of socialists.

  26. They’re part pug: they’re already loyal. Pugs love us.

  27. Mike

     /  February 10, 2007

    Hmmmm, okay that might have possibilities.

  28. blackpine

     /  February 11, 2007

    You know, we’ve been examining only half the possibilities, here. What if they made the big daddy fish for sadists? Heat resistant, and can scream in pain with a preselected accent. Make cooking fun:

    Me: You like that?

    Fish: AWW God help me! I’m burnin up here fuh Crisskes!

    Me: How bout some of THIS?!

    Fish: AWW You got me on a pan and now you hit me with salt?! That’s class ya jagoff! I hope ya choke!

    So, as opposed to twice the meat with no pain, hows about all the meat with twice the pain?

  29. Thanks, Blackpine. Now I have images of the other scenario: a desperately masochistic fish…

  30. Mike

     /  February 11, 2007

    Yeew. That is wrong on a Andy Blair-level.

  31. Convivialdingo

     /  February 11, 2007

    Sounds like a restaurant idea I’ve patented… one of those theme restaurants.

    You round up a group of 100 or so people nightly at the “Nippon Live Hibachi.” You take the orders – which is essentially meat, meat, or meat. The act entails a live cow in a nice white room surrounded by windows. In the center of the room is a large round brass grill. Then enter the ninja’s.. you can guess the rest. It’s educational, ya know…

  32. Reminds me of that scene in the early ’80s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe series — the meal of the day recommending which parts of itself would make a nice cut of meat, and then it goes back in the kitchen and humanely shoots itself.

  33. Or imagine a nice restaurant scene ca. 2020 or so……

    Waiter: “Welcome to the ‘Glutinous Globs of Protein!” And what will we serve Madame?”
    She: “Oh, I think the Blob o’ Meat sounds good!”
    Waiter: “Excellent choice! And you, sir?”
    He: “I am in the mood for something grilled. How about the Blob o’ Meat Mignon?”
    Waiter: “Also an excellent choice. As you know, we serve the ‘Mass of Vegetable-like Matter’ along with the ‘Carbohydrate Geletine’ a la carte. May I interest you in our house water? We boil and distill it fresh here every day.”
    She: “Water? How extravagant!”
    He: “Nothing is too good for you my dove….”

  34. Mike

     /  February 13, 2007

    How about we just keep raising normal animals and shoot them? That way we can eat well AND piss off PETA. Two for the price of one.

  35. I’m all for committing any vile acts so long as PETA members are the victims. They’re cat killers.

  36. Mike

     /  February 14, 2007

    I would like to see them try on the freaken mountain lions we have running around my hometown right now. Hell, even a botcat would be fun.


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