Credit Card Debt Isn’t Your Fault

Oh, yes it is.

My wife and I were in our moment of domestic bliss this morning.  You know, the usual, me trying to figure out how shoelaces work while my morning-person spouse made the coffee and got out the Nukerlunches ™.

And then we hear the debt consolidation ad.

“Why do these advertisements always talk like it’s never your fault that you’re four or five digits in debt and never paying your bills on time?”  (per advertisement’s “recording” of various billing agencies leaving threatening voicemail messages, from which they will gladly help you escape)

And so I said to my bunny, as I slowly got my feathers unruffled, well, folks who run up huge credit card debts never think it’s their fault.  Look at the folks we bought this house from… (and seriously, whoo…) besides, who on earth would answer to the following ad?

YOU’RE IN DEBT!

IT’S YOUR FAULT!  YOU SUCK, AND WE’RE HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF!

WE’LL CONSOLIDATE YOUR LOANS, AND WHACK 30% OFF THE INTEREST RATES!

WE’LL GARNISH YOUR WAGES, PAY YOUR DEBTS, CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARDS, AND GIVE YOU AN ALLOWANCE TO LIVE ON —

      YOU WANT A BUDGET?  YOU CAN’T HANDLE A BUDGET!

WHEN THERE’S A THREATENING MESSAGE LEFT ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE, YOU KNOW THERE’S ONLY ONE GROUP OF CREDITORS GOING TO BE LEAVING IT — US.

AND IF YOU DON’T ANSWER US, WE’RE GOING TO SEND BUBBA ‘ROUND YOUR WAY WITH A SHOTGUN AND A LEAD-FILLED PADDLE TO SPANK YOUR SORRY BUTT UNTIL YOU SCREAM FOR MERCY.

DIAL 1-800-OH-I-SUCK, FOR

WHO’S YOUR DADDY FINANCIAL, LLC!

BECAUSE IF YOU COULD WIPE YOUR OWN BUTT, YOU WOULDN’T NEED US TO DO IT FOR YOU, YOU SPOILED LITTLE INGRATE!

Would you answer a phone ad like that? 

I’m guessing we wouldn’t get a whole lot of takers.  Course, the folks who did might be mighty entertaining.

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5 Comments

  1. This post is originally intended for the sickos over at Sciolist Salmagundi — as soon as I can remember my password, I’m going to copy/port it over there…

    Reply
  2. celogomama

     /  August 9, 2006

    This is hysterical… Thanks for a giggle this morni

    Mama D

    Reply
  3. Mike

     /  August 10, 2006

    Good stuff. But you would be astounded at who would actually answer this. Lots of people who are literally too stupid to figure out a budget and how it is their responsibility.

    Credit Reports? I don’t care about that crap. It means nothing to me. Debt? Not my problem.

    When I worked at Aarons I delt with these people every day, and hated them and the job. The job because they deliberately preyed on them (your little speal is right on the money, the people who do this for a living and are good at it are bullies of the lowest order), and the people because they were human garbage. I am not one who gives into the “class” thingy, but this was one time I will honestlly say I felt human beings were beneath me. They couldn’t be made to care, they couldn’t be threatened to care.

    Reply
  4. That’s because we no longer have debtor’s prison. now, granted, there are good REASONS for that… but still, maybe the pendulum has swung too far the other direction…

    Reply

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