The Bacon Heresy

And, lo, did the high priest look upon John Scalzi with scorn… for the eaters of bacon are a heresy, unto good sausageness!

So, allow me to get the record straight.

Sausage kicks bacon’s ass.

Did John Scalzi tape sausage to a cat?  Hells, no!  Not even the most depraved could contemplate such an utter waste of sausage.  You can play with bacon, because… it’s bacon.  Still good, but kind of second-rate, sort of like that position player you’re always encouraging, but never actually giving the ball.

So… bring it, baconoids!

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11 Comments

  1. Gaston

     /  October 26, 2008

    Bacon is best, because you are never sure where a sausage has been!

    Reply
  2. Heather

     /  October 26, 2008

    The only thing better than bacon is…. more bacon.

    Reply
  3. Happycrow

     /  October 26, 2008

    Gaston, we know exactly where bacon has been.

    Taped to a cat.

    Reply
  4. John, clearly, by putting bacon into sausage, we can see where the true glory lies. I mean, nobody tries to make bacon out of sausage…

    Reply
  5. It’s time to storm the baconcades!

    Reply
  6. Would that be giant sausage-shaped airships… or large convoys of bacon?

    Reply
  7. convivialdingo

     /  October 30, 2008

    Stop playing with your breakfast! Sheesh! And eat those eggs… they don’t grow on trees ya know.

    Reply
  8. blackpine

     /  October 31, 2008

    [The following is to be read by Jack Black]

    There are two children I love, and you mock one of them while you praise the other. I mean, remember, hot dogs are suasages too. Likewise there is no blood bacon.

    But Bratwurst, and Kielbasa, spicy garlic sausages. But bacon, crisp and smoky with eggs ad blueberry pancakes. It is decided! I shall have all three! Three you say? Bacon, suasage and a bypass operation.

    Reply
  9. Alex

     /  October 31, 2008

    Amen brother Blackpine.

    I remember now a funny conversation I had with a friend in Michigan who converted to Islam and was bummed out that he couldn’t have pork any more – as he loved bacon and sausage. He was lamenting out loud and said “You know….maybe the Imam is onto something saying pork is Haram. I mean, pork tastes so good you feel so sinfully pleasurable afterwords.”

    Reply

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