Easy solution to Connecticut “Psycho Kitty” Problem

Yes, there is a very simple solution to this crazy-ass cat and her sociopathic bitch of an owner. Yes, I called her a sociopathic bitch: when you own an animal that’s mauling people and sending them to the hospital, and you simply don’t care, then let the shoe fit the foot…

Here’s the solution. KILL IT. We are the dominant mammals on this planet, and our proper course of action when attacked by a minor ambush predator with delusions of grandeur, is to KILL IT. In fact, the solution to a major ambush predator getting uppity, is to get five or ten of you together, and THEN KILL IT. Or, do the job with just yourself and your buddies Smith and Wesson. And then have your hunters take it to the skinners, who will make a pelt from it, and have your skinners take it to your cooks, who will see how well it goes with garlic.

By God’s design or the steady progress of evolution, human beings are incredibly dangerous predators. We are vastly more dangerous than any other animal on the planet — mosquitos included. The only reason mosquitos are outdoing us is that at the end of the day, most of us simply aren’t annoyed enough to try harder. Bears are incredibly powerful. Tigers have power, grace, and stealth to humble a ninja master. Elephants have brains combined with mass tonnage and a bad attitude. Hippo and rhinos, ditto. Snakes and insects have incredible poisons. We, on the other hand, get the really insidious stuff.

We kill and eat them all. Tonnage is no match for being able to sweat, and therefore hunt all-out for hours under worst blazing sun the savannahs and deserts have to offer. Claws and strength are no match for being able to communicate hunting strategy in complete silence, simply by eye contact and minor motions of the head and face. Poisons are no match for being able to turn a prey item’s shelter into a deadly trap. Notice that we haven’t even gotten to opposable thumbs yet. Anybody who thinks that human beings pushing other animals into extinction is a new and modern thing needs to start cracking some books.

If you’re a yuppie woman who’s had all aggression beaten out of you since you were three and kicked somebody in the shins, then sit on it in a violent way. You’ll be excused for that when the alternative is being hamstrung by a housepet, and we’ll all stand back and golf-clap while you sue Ms. Cisero for every cent she owns.

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